I got really curious about what would happen if my alien character Elere had access to Pinterest. There was no point to this musing, it doesn’t fit anywhere in any of the stories I have written or plan to write, but it was fun going off on a tangent and it turned out okay so here it is.
“Is that fuchsia? Would you say that is fuchsia? Or am I getting it confused with maroon?”
The Deruvasi that Elere had cornered took a look at the screen. “No, that’s fuchsia.” He raised a hand. “Captain, why do you care what color it is?”
He wasn’t buying it, but he also clearly didn’t want to be asked another question about random colorization, so he just nodded and backed away.
Elere looked at her tablet screen glumly. It was fuchsia, which meant she could never wear that beautiful dress. But she saved it anyway, because what was Pinterest for if not pointless daydreams? (At least, that was what Lauren had told her when introducing her to the idea of the image-saving site.)
Question thusly satisfied, she headed back to her office, where she was greeted by the sight of Earthly shipping boxes in her decidedly non-terrestrial workspace. Getting them had been a bit… shifty, but they were there now and that was what counted. Elere gingerly unpackaged the first set as a horde of curious crew looked on.
Inside was a lot of paper, and inside that paper were the objects that she wanted. She picked one up gingerly. “So these are mason jars, huh?” Elere turned it over in her hand. “I thought they’d be shinier.”
She brought them up to the bridge later. As always, Charvi could be counted on to say the rude thing that everyone was thinking but no one wanted to say out loud. “I don’t understand mason jars. Don’t these people have cups or vases specifically designed to hold flowers?”
“I think it’s supposed to be clever or thrifty.”
“Oh. You mean like how Pargo repurposed Shuttle 5’s thrusters to fix the mess hall tables.”
Elere winced. That incident had not gone well. Deruvasi recycled and reused obsessively. In this case, even she hadn’t been able to stand between him and Charvi’s wrath. Mainly because she hadn’t wanted to. They needed thrusters way more than they needed tables.
“Mostly they get used to store food. But Pinterest makes it pretty clear that you’re supposed to decorate them first.” Elere was still turning it over in her hand, trying to get a feel for the thing and why it was so popular. “I don’t really like painting things,” she confessed. “I was kind of hoping I could get someone else to do it.”
“Or you could be a sane person and use normal objects for normal things, and leave these Earthish abominations somewhere they won’t cause any harm.”
“I’m trying to find more Earth things so our friends won’t feel so out of place, but then Lauren actually ran away from me when she saw what I had and Emma declined to take one.” She sighed. “I guess they’re not so popular.”
So that was a failed experiment. Still, Pinterest had so many interesting Earth-ly things that there had to be something she could find. She kept scanning, muttering under her breath, “I can make jelly, I suppose.”
(She didn’t end up making jelly, or anything else that can be canned. She gave them to Charvi so she could fill them with spare parts and give them as trophies to her Deruvasi underlings. Because as much as Charvi complained, she hated wasting things almost as much as her underlings.)
So that’s my story. It’s weird, and little, and ended up having more to do with mason jar mockery than Pinterest befuddlement. But it was fun to write.